Sure Fire Ways to Spot a Liar?? Enough already!
I just saw another one of these "Seven sure fire ways to spot a liar" articles pop up in LinkedIn. I have to react. [rant alert]
This sort of nonsense is dangerous. It gives people the false impression that they are the Mentalist, and if they subsequently act on this information they stand a good chance of getting themselves into trouble: of damaging their relationships, which, if it's in a professional context, might have dire consequences, because...
1. ONE SWALLOW DOES NOT A SUMMER MAKE
Notions like this that are not even based on research (like the whole Myers-Briggs mythology) are nothing other than pop-psychology clap-trap. But even if the notions being espoused are actually based on some kind of published research (which they often claim to be), then that research needs to be understood for what it is. Researchers are not on the phone to God. They do not have a direct line to truth. They are interpreting data (frequently, looking for something, and when you look for something in a complex enough picture... you stand a good chance of finding it) extracted from a limited number of subjects in artificial situations.
There are 7 billion people on this planet. No human science study comes even close to surveying a "representative sample" of our species. All studies are incomplete and biased. Researchers know this and if they are responsible, do not claim otherwise. People who hijack research to make ludicrous blanket pop-psychology claims like the one I’m reacting to here normally lean on that research as if it were proof, which it is not. At least not in the realm of the human sciences. So there's that.
2. PHYSICAL BEHAVIOURS ("TELLS") MIGHT CORRESPOND TO SIMPLE PHYSIOLOGICAL FACTS BUT NOT TO COMPLEX BEHAVIOURS...
People touching their mouth, putting a hand on their neck, fidgeting or angling toward a doorway might (see below) be physically manifesting nervous tension. That's all: nervousness - a relatively simple physiological fact.
Lying is not a physiological fact, it is a complex behaviour. Lying tends to make most people nervous (except psychopaths, apparently), but all sorts of other things make people nervous too and will have exactly the same physical tells.
My fidgeting might be a sign of nervousness, and that might be because I'm lying, but it might also be because you make me nervous, or there is a lot riding on the conversation, or I'm about to do something else that is making me nervous and it has nothing to do with you or the conversation we are having now, or that I drank too much coffee this morning...
Trying to link simple physical tells to complex behavioural facts is not even close to being reliable.
Furthermore...
3. PHYSICAL BEHAVIOURS ("TELLS") COULD EASILY CORRESPOND TO SOMETHING ELSE!
If I touch my mouth while I'm talking to you, it might mean that I'm nervous about what I'm saying or that I'm lying. It might also mean I have an itch, or some dry skin that is annoying me. It might mean that where my budgie bit me the other day it still stinging (even if it left no mark). It might mean I can see a spot on your lip and have reflexively touched my own in a kind of vague empathy. It might mean that my fingers smelt of a cleaning product I was using earlier which I didn’t like and I am idly checking to see if the smell has gone away. Or it might mean (as it often does with me) that I like playing with my beard because it feels pleasant.... It might mean anything at all.
Even if some study showed a correlation between mouth touching and lying (with that sample space, in those conditions), that absolutely does not mean that every time someone touches their mouth they are lying, which is what these 'sure-fire' type articles seem to want to claim.
You cannot know what that gesture means in a real context. And an attempt to simplify the vast complex mesh of human behaviour with its mostly unknowable motivations into simplistic checklists like the one this rant is a reaction to are not only foolish, they are dangerous.
WHY DANGEROUS?
Imagine: you learn the "seven sure fire signs of a liar", and proudly armed with this arcane knowledge, you watch me like a self-righteous hawk the next time we are speaking (which incidentally probably means you are not really paying attention to what I am saying, but that's a different blog article…). Suddenly, I do one of the seven tells, so you decide that what I'm saying is not true, and I am a liar. You ignore what I was telling you (if you were even listening) or do the opposite, and your impression of me is tarnished.
But you were wrong. I was not lying. What I told you was important and you didn't do it, putting the whole project we are working on in jeopardy. Now you don't trust me, not because of anything I did, but because of some stupid article you read on LinkedIn. Tension has now been created where before there was none, there was no reason for it, and if you hadn't leapt aboard this silly notion of second-guessing people's deeper motivation by how many times their eyelid wobbles, then we would still be working together effectively and in a positive environment.
THE ONLY REAL WAY TO TELL IF SOMEONE IS LYING...
The only sure-fire way way to tell if people are lying is when what they say turns out not to be true.
Stop trying to be the Mentalist! Start paying attention to what is actually being said when you are communicating with other people. Effective communication is right here, right now, with the person in front of you. Pay attention to them. Respond. You do not know what they are thinking, and you never will because you cannot, unless... you ask them, and listen actively to their answer! There's a radical idea!
Second-guess people and you will make mistakes, inappropriate judgements and false assumptions. There are no magical windows into other people's minds. The only window we have is direct #HumanCommunication, and that only works when we do it well...
Buying into the "seven sure-fire ways" type list, or any philosophy built on that kind of logic, is a powerful step in the direction of becoming a poor communicator.