"Words You Use Incorrectly..." ? Beware False Prophets!
Language mavens (a term coined by American linguist Steven Pinker, I believe), or grammar nazis are self-appointed language experts who will tell you what is right and what is wrong and seem to believe that they have access to the thoughts and feelings of everybody else on the planet, which allows them to declare what things mean in grand universal ways... These people are at best misguided, always annoying, and at worst snake-oil salesmen, and you should be wary of them!
BLIND SPOT
We are aware of and make conscious choices about some aspects of our individuality: hairstyle; way of dressing; musical preferences; what we want to eat... Other aspects, however, are hidden in a socially-constructed blind spot: seen as things we have no control over, or worse, as not being aspects of our personality at all, but rather things that exist outside of us and slightly beyond our reach... Language – for most people it seems – is right in that blind spot...
And yet, the way you express yourself in language is just as much a part of your personality as the way you dress or your musical preferences....
Advice about language use – and there's lots of it about – can of course be insightful and thought-provoking (like I hope this blog is!), just like advice about anything. The difference is in how people tend to treat it. If I told you your musical choice was "wrong", you would look at me askance and decide I was a loony. If I told you your language use was wrong, you (maybe not you personally, but a lot of folks) would be far more inclined to consider that seriously. Many people are willing to swallow authorities' opinions regarding their use of language because of this learnt notion that the language doesn't actually "belong" to them... This notion is stronger in some cultures than in others, and although its origins and the forces that keep it in place are not hard to explain, it is, nevertheless, nonsense!
ARISTOTELIAN IDEALS (??)
Is there some Aristotelian perfect dress style floating out there in the ether to which we must all conform in order to dress "correctly"? No... There isn’t. The idea makes no sense! Clothes serve a range of social functions which must be accommodated as part of the social consensus to which we all contribute, but there is no "correct" dress. There is (in)appropriate to context and there is choice and there is personal expression.
But when it comes to language, people do imagine some Aristotelian ideal form of the language floating in the ether somewhere, which they don't really feel like they "master" and to which we are all morally obliged (according to some) to conform in order to use language "correctly". We call it "grammar". Most people are scared of it or bored by it, and a certain mindset loves using it as a vector for discrimination, but there is no - such - thing! No more than correct dress.
Language is human behaviour, and just like any other aspect of behaviour, it is a question of (in)appropriate to context, choice and personal expression.
The "grammar" of English is not stored away in a gold and titanium casting in some bank vault somewhere... There is no ISO metric for grammar! In fact, grammar doesn't "exist" in any real sense! Language exists: grammar is just an attempted description of language by linguists (and not always a very good one!)
Similarly, dictionaries are not the authorities on "correct" vocabulary that people often take them for. Different dictionaries do not all contain the same words or definitions for one thing, and nobody knows all the words in a standard dictionary (the OED boasts over 100,000 entries - the vocabulary of even a highly articulate English speaker rarely exceeds 40,000 words). Dictionaries, like grammars, are attempted, generalised descriptions of language after the fact, and they are, inevitably, at least slightly out of date! As usage moves on, it is up to dictionaries to catch up, not the other way around.
YOUR LANGUAGE
Your language (grammar, vocabulary and all) is as much a part of you as any other aspect of your behaviour, more so in fact, because we use language constantly to connect with other humans (we're doing it right now).
MY TAKE...
You can and should approach advice about language like you would approach advice about anything else (including this advice!): measure it against your own experience. Decide whether it is true or not for you: it might not be. And beware the language mavens who will take great pleasure in telling you what you mean. That's just nonsense! (And the fact of it occasionally being bestselling nonsense is even more alarming...)
People with good language skills can tell you what they understand, and perhaps why, but that is all. And their insights might well be helpful, and if offered in the right spirit, have the same value as any other considered advice. But they are not the "objective" – and commonly judgemental – "truths" that grammar nazis present them as, and should definitely not be taken as such!
Furthermore, someone who judges another based on their language use (including accent) is indulging in exactly the same kind of discrimination as someone who judges another on their gender, skin colour, weight, height, hair colour, dress style or anything else... If you would like to read a far more detailed discussion of linguistic discrimination, I wrote an academic paper on it several years ago which is here.
THE TAKE-HOME MESSAGE
Your language is in you and of you. It is the paint you use to make your mark on the social canvas of humanity, and the bridges that you build onto the foreshores of others' minds. It's the most fantastically complex skill you possess! Own it! Appreciate it! And use it as you see fit, to most effectively express who you are.
Time to stop being browbeaten by grammar nazi language mavens!